TheGothMom.com

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I had really good sex last night, so my brain is a little rattled this morning. So are my teeth for that matter. There is just something about a really good round of sex that sets you back on your butt, and makes you go “AAAHHHHHH!” And when it’s with a partner who goes out of his way to make sure you have every enjoyment you can possibly have, then the earth really tends to roll.

So I didn’t actually get on here today to blog about my great sex life :P. It’s just very high up there on my happy list at the moment.

What I did get on to blog about was the amusing sex shows I’ve been watching lately. We originally had Cinemax, otherwise known as Skinmax for it’s soft core late night movies. By soft core, I mean they show boobs, fast flashes of cootch without much to see, and scenes of them making love with lots of moaning and groaning. The regular movie selection was OK, but not much to speak of, and since I would rather watch good movies, I finally got around to switching to HBO instead. The funny thing was as soon as we did, the first show we watched was Cathouse. I was rolling with laughter over the irony, but as I watched it, I was amazed to discover how much I was throughly enjoying it. That first episode was showing one of the prostitutes doing a sex ed class for older women who weren’t as comfortable with their sexuality. Break out the plastic pussies, and let’s get a lesson on how one masturbates! How to use a dildo, how to use a vibrator, how to discover what it is that you like. For someone who’s pretty open about sex, and knowing what I like, I think I may have learned a couple of things.

I definitely learned a new position when one of the prostitutes started flipping herself around to show the other ones some new things they could do to make the guests happy. Yes, we tried it LOL. Lay on your back and flip your legs all the way over your head. We’ve tried variations of the theme, but not all the way over like that. Puts the G-spot in a much more accessible bump and grind position, and boy-howdy was that fun!

A couple other shows I’ve discovered: Real Sex and Pornucopia. I can’t find a link to Real Sex, but through them, I discovered a kick-ass circus called Bindlestiff Family Cirkus. I seriously want to go see! You can see some of their acts here, here, and here. A combination circus, variety show, burlesque, gender-bending, nude tight rope walking, risque piece of art has never happened before. I wish I could actually post parts of what I saw, but I haven’t figured out how to get it off of my DVR yet. My mouth was hanging open in between bursts of hilarity, and some of it was just flat out “WOW!”

Pornucopia is a behind the scenes look at the world of porn. A little bit closer of a look then I expected! They do interviews with the actual actors and get a bit of why they went into the business of porn. One young lady had been busted for trying to smuggle a 100 lbs. of pot across the Mexican border with the disclaimer of “I was just trying to pay my rent!” ~Snort~ Yeah right! Then someone introduced her to porn and the idea of screwing for money, and she got all happy with that thought. Why not do something you like to do and get paid for it at the same time. She was a very perky California blonde, who specialized in making the right noises at the right time. They also showed the interview process of how they choose the girls and what questions, pictures, and positions they use to cast the girls in the right movie. A group of girls standing there answering questions about if they do girl on girl, more then one guy, do you do anal? Flashes of the actual making of the movie which was making the b/f very happy until it included a flash of a gay movie. Lol, it withered pretty damn fast at that point.

I’m enjoying these shows greatly, not just for the educational factor, but also because I enjoy human sexuality and the mental reasoning behind it. Not so much that I get into watching porn, but these shows offer a little bit more in the way of personal choices and what drives them to do certain things. A few years ago, I was of the opinion people got into porn because they were trying to break into acting or they were misguided or they got tricked into it. It’s been fascinating to discover everyone’s real reason behind porn, being a prostitute, being willing to wear a floppy dildo on stage and have your husband suck on it, lol. These people are incredibly clear about their choices and why they do it, and it’s refreshing to watch these shows to discover not only the entertainment, but also finding that freedom to make those choices.

Off to watch the Bindlestiff Family Cirkus some more.

Every generation thinks they invented sex, and every generation is appalled when they realize their parents had sex. Especially if they’ve had dirty, nasty, kinky sex. This is the lead in because a friend of mine showed me a picture of this guy from Russia, who’s a porn star, and apparently has the biggest cock in the the world.

*WARNING* DO NOT CLICK ON THIS LINK UNLESS YOU MEAN TO LOOK! Mukhtar Safarov

I was so throughly shocked by his size, I showed my mom the picture, and made a comment about how I didn’t even know how it was possible for that to be used.

To which she smirked and replied ” Anythings possible if he knows how to get you lubricated.”

To which I stuck my fingers in my ears and started singing “NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA.”

I mean seriously Mom! Some things you just don’t have to share.

The funny part of that is the fact that I can’t even tell you how many times I busted her having sex. The first time was actually after interrupted sex. She has a trick shoulder that randomly dislocates when ever it feels the urge, and apparently they had done something or the other that sent it out. So I wake up in the middle of the night to this weird noise, and being a ballsy 7 year old, I wandered out to investigate. I discovered my mother being hung upside down by her boyfriend, both of them naked, while she was trying to use gravity to help put her shoulder in. Didn’t work, so we all threw clothes on, and made a midnight run to the ER. Needless to say, I wasn’t able to ask questions at the time (Mom, why were guys naked?), but after a while, my mother was more then happy to explain what was going on.

Sounds a little shocking to explain that to a 7 year old, right? My mom had and has the attitude that the more fully explained everything is, the more you know, the better off you do in life.

I follow that philosophy to a degree, but I waited a little bit longer, and have tried to explain things a llittle slower. I know I’ve failed when I get up the next morning to have my 13 year old daughter tell “My God Mom! I thought you were dying in there and then I realized your door was locked and that meant you having SEX! Do you know how disgusting that is?” LOL!

I try to tell her that us having a healthy sex life is a good thing, but I get the same response from her, that I still give my mom.

“NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA”

The interesting part is the fact that I can talk honestly and realistically about sex with my mom. I just can’t talk to her about her having sex. And I’d rather not talk to her about my sex life. When either subject comes up, I turn into the 13 year old sitting in Sex Ed., stammering, turning red, and looking any where but at her. Yet, I can go hang out with my friends, discuss size, if they know how to use, positions, and whether we’re getting that satisfaction. But not with my mom.

OK, so I’m feeling guilty because I felt to cruddy to write a post here last weekend, and I’m depressed over my birds, so I need something to make me snicker. It probably won’t be up to par, because as I said, I’m  depressed at the moment.

Since Kori brought up the subject first on sex toys (It’s all her fault, blame her!) I can’t think of anything better to write about. Plus, I found this killer video done by a woman who looks like a PTA teacher doing the best presentation on Smart Balls ever.

So Sex Toys, hmmm. I could get really dirty with this, but I think I’m going to settle with descriptions of everything, since that can be quite entertaining in and of itself.

To start off with, let’s take a look at the Rabbit. Easily, the most popular sex toy/dildo/vibrator that currently exists.

From their site ~ The beautiful Rabbit Habit Vibrator boasts wireless dual-action rabbit vibrator controls, rollicking pearls located mid-shaft, and a rabbit-shaped vibrating clitoral stimulator. ~ Which basically means - every part vibrates inside and out, and rolling beads are designed to add extra stimulation over the extra sensitive parts on the inside. Remember my reference to the movie Rabbit Fever? Apparently this special toy has become the hottest sex toy on the market to the point of being featured on Sex and the City. I wouldn’t know about that, I never watched that show lol. However, Rabbit Fever was one of the hottest, most hilarious things I have ever watched.

This next vibrator enraptures me just on the basis of what it is. I’m stealing this straight from the LazyGeisha ~Imagine for a moment that you’re in a nightclub. The throb of the music pluses through you, every nerve ending in your body cascades and fires as the beat moves over you like a thousand fingers strumming across your skin. Your arms rise over your head, your hips swirl, the sweat beads up along your abdomen and slides over the curvy swells of feminine flesh and you move, you grind, you dance, and you’re beautiful. The moment is erotic, the club is your sanctuary, as you forget the world and immerse yourself in the sounds, and the feelings – the oh so good feelings of being born a woman and knowing that every eye in the club is watching you, watching your every move. Now imagine never having to leave your home to feel this way. Welcome to the OhMiBod. ~ A vibrator that hooks up to your MP3 player and runs according to what kind of music and how loud the volume is. Turning the volume level up and down controls how intense the vibration is and it pulses in time to the beat. For more information on this and associated toys -

Now, onto the simpler toys. Vibrators are the meat and bread of all sex toys. They come in various shapes

and sizes, waterproof, strap-on, sizes, shapes, colors, textures, and animals. Dildos come as vibrators, cock rings come as vibrators, if you look at stores like Good Vibrations or Vibrator.com, the biggest seller is going to be the various vibrators. You can buy them in discreet little packages so you feel comfortable shipping them out of the country in your carry-on or you can get ones that blatantly and proudly state “I am a vibrator, hear me roar”. It’s a matter of personal taste as to what you care to have.

Dildos themselves are an entirely different thing. This would be the Rock Chick. I’m guessing the rounded part goes into the cootch, and the ribbed part goes over the clit. The very sight of this thing is enough to send me into a bad case of the giggles, but I guess it’s perfect if you’re doing it on your own, it’s the perfect companion.

From the bizarre,to the normal,Dildos have become such a standard accessory, that you can take your pick of sites that dispense such favored toys to the general public.

Other toys include cock rings, anal toys, bondage (handcuffs, blindfolds, soft ties, all the way through the more hardcore, strap you down to the bed and take it toys. Really tho’ S & M is a blog for another day.) massager’s, and best of all, the different oils and lotions that can make play between partners more interesting.

Toys are all well and good, but if you’re involved in a relationship, the best thing to look for in a toy is something you can share as a couple and have fun with together. Single people can indulge in whatever they want to, but once there is someone there to share n the fun, it becomes important that you don’t alienate each other by getting caught playing by yourself. Use toys in a relationship to have more fun and explore boundaries, use them to make sure equal enjoyment is felt on both sides. For singles, use them because you have them, use them cause you can’t get an STD from them. For everybody, make a little time in your life to explore and enjoy. And check out the above 2 sites, I’m sure they’ll appreciate the business.

All pictures are links to the sources. And yes, I’m aware that the link to Sex and the City is a parody. A rollicking good one.

Get your own rating at: Rate Your Blog

Thanks to Corrina for turning me on to this nifty little rating system. Apparently my use of the following words tipped them off.

* sex (43x)
* penis (7x)
* hell (4x)
* porn (2x)
* shitty (1x)

Sheesh, have I not used fuck once?